Today is Labor day! I am laboring today... sigh... hmmm, I am laboring because I know if I were to take this day off my finances will keep me from possibly having the next labor day off? Ha haa?
What exactly is Labor day? Am I supposed to continue to capitalize the l in labor? I think yes, cause it is a holiday. I have found some info on the world wide web about Labor day and why we celebrate it... basically it is another reason to celebrate with friends the end of summer is what I am understanding. If you want to find out more look it up yourself.
When I think of Labor day it makes me think of birth labor... how could I not I am a post partum doula? I think of how I was labored at the very beginning of my life and how no one really has any memories of it, maybe cellular ones but nothing that they can recall to you word for word.
I am sure you are wanting to hear my birth story now huh? Okay, I will tell you what I know... Nothing really. I know nothing of my birth story. It sucks to not know, it feels like a void in my life. I have also some days realized that I have come to terms with not knowing my birth story. I have lots of questions and wonderment about it. Did my amma (mother) get to hold me after I was born? Where was I born? In a hospital, home or spice field like where the orphanage said they found me? Was my achen (father) there with my amma? Did he even know that I was going to be born, that I existed? Was I not supposed to be born and was hidden from everyone? Did people know my parents were to give birth to me? Endless questions flood my mind and heart. Part of me wants to know and part of me understands how buried it is and may not surface again. Ever!
I can't seem to agree with that. I want to know. I want to hear the story thru my amma's eyes, thru my achen's eyes. For now I just know that on some day at some point I was brought into this world. I believe there was a lot of love surrounding me and keeping me safe. A lot of love that wanted to see me make it and survive. It would have been amazing to see who that love was coming from? I see it sometimes when I look in the mirror and there is a face that seems familiar yet far away and strange to me.
I feel it so deeply when I think about returning to India for a visit. Other times at moments when I am eating some amazing south Indian foods that transport me to a whole other realm and time. I feel like I want to stay and bask in that realm for a really long time. As if I didn't get enough time there to begin with.
Hmmm, well okay it is maybe time to bring this to an end?
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