I am looking around the internet trying to find searches for Indian adoptees. I keep seeing information about families who are adopting a child from India. I know they exsist. I guess maybe they are still young. I know I am in the group of some of the oldest adoptees from India. Some of these families I came across already have biological children of their own.
Okay interesting... interesting, as in a watching myself get annoyed by the fact that so many caucasian families are adopting interracial children. Interesting as in a where the hell is the information for adoptees to have?
It's as if support is easily available for the parents that are adopting a child. Rarely, it seems that there is information which seems easily accessible to adult adoptees. We need support and guidance outside of our families too. Is it that we have to rely on each other to support one another when we are struggling?
As a kid I was part of an adoption group that was formed by a couple of parents. My adoptive mother included. (she did what she could to help me not feel so terribly isolated from my roots.) This was a group of mostly Indian adoptees and their families which were made up of a range of family styles. ( biological, adopted nationally, internationally adopted, and step children) We got together several times through out the year. More the younger we were and less the older we got. This was more of a social time for all the families to get together and hang out with each other. I remember it being a special time when I was younger, because I was so excited to see my Indian friends that were also adopted and felt comfortable to be with them.
A couple of my friends that were a part of the group had also been in the orphange with me. It was an amazing feeling to be with someone who made that long and incredible journey right alongside me. I remember when one of my favorite friends Sarah Merlie had grown away from the group or stopped going. It was sad to not have her attend and I cherished the photos even more that we had of us together.
I got older and the group came to be more of a group where we were living in different cities throughout WI and having physical space between us, while having similar life experiences and confusions. I remember a time when I was listening to a friend talk about a confusion they were experiencing and realizing " oh wait, I totally know what you are talking about. Wow I am not the only one." It was a time when we got to be teens and share things we didn't dare share with anyone who wasn't adopted or Indian. It also was a bit too religious for me. It was following too much of the Lutheran church and not including that of Indian religions or traditions. I am sure they tried but how would they know they had their American perspectives on India.
Okay, I realized that you don't know much of my adoptive families background... there is a part of me that doesn't want to talk about it because I am choosing to not talk to my adoptive family... mostly my parents right now. I need to take a break from being vulnerable with them and take care of my needs. Long story short I have witnessed what amazing parents they are to their biological children. I don't feel they knew or know how to be my parents. I have always felt pretty independent from them at a young age. They are parents who are good with dealing with my adoptive siblings problems and chaos. I feel I was pretty far under the radar and became a bit unnoticed, then finally not noticed at all.
They continue to tell me they love me and care about me. I continue to play the hey notice me now game? Notice how long it's been since you haven't talked to the child you chose? Notice the cuts I have on my arm from the pain of you not noticing me? Notice the way my heart breaks when you say something negative about India? Ya that's right your busy noticing how ungrateful I am for not noticing that you rescued me from a life that would have been horrible. You don't know that? Maybe your not thinking that? Maybe you are missing me...? Maybe it is too late for us to have a relationship because too much hardening has occurred to my heart from constantly putting myself out there and being hurt by the people who love me.
Anyways, that was longer than intended and it isn't the full description of my family. I was raised by a family in WI. Mother, Father, older brother (Step from father's previous marriage), older sister, me, younger brother, younger sister. All of the kids excluding me are biological to my adoptive parents. I have lots of extended relatives on both sides. Currently I am not really in contact with many of them. It is easier this way right now.
Needless to say having a lot of support as an Indian adoptee would have been great. I grew up in a small town in Wisconsin. Sturgeon Bay. Among lots of small town people. Closed minds against race, gender, sexual preference, religion, and just about most things I felt I was. I was soooo scared to show these people who I really was. I was fortunate enough to find some people that really helped me to understand that I am amazing and perfectly okay the way I am.
I am still searching for information on support to adult adoptees and International adoptees so if any of you come across some info that may seem to be of benefit please share! -
No comments:
Post a Comment