Friday, January 27, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
A New Year... Welcome
Yes, A new year has arrived... Lot's has happened since I last wrote. My dad passed away in Aug. My girlfriend's dad passed away in Dec. What are the chances that two people in relationship would both lose thier father's within 4 months of each other? Crazy, yes! It also brings on this really interesting bond for both of us. A sort of understanding that goes with out saying. You get why the other may be off that day, week, or month.
I had a difficult relationship with my father. My girlfriend had a very close relationship with her father. I am 4 months ahead in my grieving and processing. I know the processing will most likely never end. There is a difference in our grief and our grieving. My grief looks like anger and questioning my relationship with my father. With my girlfriend there is no doubt the love between father and daughter. In some ways there is a part of me that has felt like a fraud in losing my dad. The pain of the loss is there, it just seems so different and foreign. I see my girlfriends sadness in tears and missing someone you love dearly. I loved my father, but it was a complex love. A love that I at moments doubt and trust was really there. It felt, well complicated almost all of the time.
It felt hard to digest his words from the will he made out... I wish he would have said something to the effect of how hard working I was, how independent and self-reliant I have been and will continue to be. Or even that I have never asked him for anything and will do fine on my own. Instead he said " Reji has already benefited from the help of her parents and is in a better position for the future that what she would otherwise have." Hmmm, it sounds like he didn't know what to say about me. It's hard for me to hear that. I thought it would have been easier and it wouldn't hurt, but it did and does.
I had a difficult relationship with my father. My girlfriend had a very close relationship with her father. I am 4 months ahead in my grieving and processing. I know the processing will most likely never end. There is a difference in our grief and our grieving. My grief looks like anger and questioning my relationship with my father. With my girlfriend there is no doubt the love between father and daughter. In some ways there is a part of me that has felt like a fraud in losing my dad. The pain of the loss is there, it just seems so different and foreign. I see my girlfriends sadness in tears and missing someone you love dearly. I loved my father, but it was a complex love. A love that I at moments doubt and trust was really there. It felt, well complicated almost all of the time.
It felt hard to digest his words from the will he made out... I wish he would have said something to the effect of how hard working I was, how independent and self-reliant I have been and will continue to be. Or even that I have never asked him for anything and will do fine on my own. Instead he said " Reji has already benefited from the help of her parents and is in a better position for the future that what she would otherwise have." Hmmm, it sounds like he didn't know what to say about me. It's hard for me to hear that. I thought it would have been easier and it wouldn't hurt, but it did and does.
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